Wow school. Wow. I don’t remember what 8 hours of sleep feels like anymore.
I don’t remember what 3 hours of sleep feels like either. All this exhaustion is making me emotional and I just want to cuddle up next to people and cry.
one animated music video due on thursday, one documentary also due on thursday, english exams tomorrow, and a 20-inch papercut (which i haven’t started) due on wednesday.
is this what dying feels like or is that just the lack of sleep
either way i want to dig myself a hole and lie in it
The other night, a friend mentioned that he’s never heard me say something rude about anyone ever. And I was surprised. I wanted to say that I’m terrible, awful, bad-tempered and often really snarky and sarcastic in my head. I felt guilty. And now I feel challenged. I want people to know me as someone who was kind and encouraging. I hope I cheer people up when they talk to me.I hope I’m a light. I hope my name makes people think of good things. If there is anything I want to do this year, it’s to love people more.
Today was exactly the Sunday afternoon I wanted, and it was nice to have everyone there, even if i was so worn down that I cried at a clothing ad and every hug and have been crying all day since then. Lack of sleep leaves me so emotionally compromised. I’m sure everyone thinks I’ve lost my mind, and sometimes I do too.
It’s been a tumultuous last three days. Not all bad, though. Just different from the predictable weeks before it. But I’m exhausted and I wish I could go back to routine, back to old friends, back to when things weren’t as complicated.
It’s not all bad. I’m just tired. I just want late nights with guitars and coffee, or movie days with my family, or lazy Sunday afternoons with the gang sitting and having doughnuts.
my littlest sister turned 15 today and i may or may not be freaking out about that a little bit. oh well.